Sometimes staying together can sadly do more harm than good.
William Shakepeare once wrote; “What is love? ‘Tis not hereafter. Present mirth hath present laughter.” In other words, love is to be found in the here and now, carpe diem (seize the day), don’t live for what tomorrow may bring, find the love of your life and devote yourself completely to them in all things while you yet live.
Relationships are the ties that bind in life, without them we can feel lonely and displaced, a hole that is unfilled and a yearning to love and be loved in return that remains unfulfilled. Being in a strong and loving relationship is the very essence of humanity, the very core of our being, the spark of the ethereal in our otherwise corporeal form. This hint of divinity amongst our collective mortality has been the driving force behind poems, sonnets, songs, literature, movies, television, the stage and the screen and the written word would be at a loss and so much the lesser without it… as would our own lives.
But what happens when the “food of love” (to quote Mr Shakespeare again) turns sour?
It’s never pleasant and often painful when a relationship – whether a married relationship or otherwise – takes a turn for the worst. No matter who is to blame, if anyone, for a once rock-solid relationship beginning to disintegrate, it doesn’t make it any easier for the two participants involved.
But can a relationship under duress and close to cracking be repaired? Has it passed the point of no return and is now irretrievable? These are often-asked questions in such scenarios, and couples will often have different methods for trying to get to the root of the problem and perhaps find a solution. The thing is, though, how do you know when that relationship is doomed, that to try and carry on is not only futile but actually unhealthy for both of you to do so?
This article will list 5 examples when the dissent in a relationship is such that it’s better to pull up anchor and for both participants to set sail for entirely different shores.
This article is also worth reading: 5 Rules To Help You Find True Love On Dating Sites
Narcissism
A narcissistic personality is never a good contribution to any relationship as the person in question with such tendencies will invariably always think of and consider themselves first, put their own wellbeing and wants and needs before their partner, and generally act and behave in a very one-sided manner. Needless to say, this is poison for any lasting relationship and if your partner is a proven narcissist and, despite all your most earnest efforts, that person never seems to change, then it’s time you lay down an ultimatum to them, and failing that, time for you to walk away, you deserve better.
Bound By Trauma
Some relationships are what clinical psychologists call ‘trauma-bonded’ relationships in that they are characterized often by intense, sudden emotional episodes – often negative in nature – that ultimately lead to equally intense ‘reconciliations’ and whereby the two participants feel a dependence on each other as a result. Relationships built on this very shaky and unstable foundation are neither healthy nor lasting; at some point, someone is going to be permanently injured – physically and/or emotionally – so if this describes your present relationship, you very seriously need to consider getting out of this injurious tryst.
Wrong Reasons
There are many reasons that bring people together in a romantic relationship; love, lust, dependence, comfort, financial, practical, etc. There are as many reasons for the forming of relationships as there are relationships… but not all of those reasons are the right ones. To form a relationship that is both loving and lasting, it needs to be built on the right foundation; a desire to be with and for each other, to love and support each other in good times and bad, to think of and consider each other’s wants and needs, to be a pillar of strength for each other. If your relationship is founded on everything except the aforementioned traits, then perhaps you are in the wrong relationship and should get out before it becomes negative (as surely it will).
Constant Distraction
Relationships that endure are built on mutual trust and appreciation of each other’s respective contributions. But if one side of that relationship is not living up to their side of the bargain and rather is always distracted, attention focused constantly on a mobile device or laptop, then that is going to cause dissent. We need attention from our spouses/partners and when that attention is not given in a consistent manner, we feel understandably aggrieved, angry, and genuinely hurt. The best step is to tell that person what they are doing and how it is damaging the relationship. Should that person persist in their distractive (and destructive) behavior, it’s a sure bet they do not genuinely love you… in which case, head for the exit and quickly!
A Quantum of Solace
Yes, it’s a title to a James Bond short story/movie (the latter of which is an underrated one at that, but I digress…) but it’s also a perfectly apt description of one of the reasons a relationship lasts, and also when it ends. A ‘quantum of solace’ is the amount of comfort and companionship one gives another in a stressful and/or distressing time; in other words, empathy. As that measure of solace reduces, the relationship becomes more fraught, arguments and friction ensue, until whatever empathy was there is gone and the relationship finally founders in likely acrimony. It’s never a good thing to cleave to a relationship built solely on comfort during/following a bad time, it may provide a temporary relief but its roots do not go deep and in subsequent trying times, it will not hold together.
Conclusion
The Beatles may have sung that “All You Need Is Love” but for lasting, healthy, positive relationships that endure, John and Paul and Ringo and George and Yoko weren’t wrong!